money vs mom

I received a small check in the mail yesterday. It was my portion of a life insurance policy mom had which designated her four children as beneficiaries. Now, granted, it is a very small amount of money but it is enough to help cover the cost of some much-needed dental work and for that I'm thankful.
When I opened the envelope, read the letter of condolence, and looked at the check, I just gazed upward and said, "Thanks, Mom."  You can't read the sarcasm in my voice as I said that simple statement yesterday, but it was there. Don't get me wrong. I'm always happy to receive money, especially unexpectedly, in the mail. But, in truth, I would much rather have my mom.
It's amazing how much your life changes, no matter your age, once your parents are gone. I told my kids the other day that I am now, according to the world's standards, an orphan. I felt sad. I felt incomplete. For some reason, I felt lonely. I knew I was different too. I knew I had changed. Maybe not an outward change, but something on the inside that just felt empty and void of something that really should be there because it's been there all your life.
Mothers have this sneaky trick they like to play on their kids.They birth them, they nurture them, they grow them into adult-hood. They stay in touch with their lives through the vast technologies of today and then, here's the sneaky part, they leave them.
Yes, I'm an orphan. I have no parents. I will never have parents again. I'm too old for foster care and no one really wants to adopt an almost-fifty-year-old woman with grown children of her own.
I guess I'll just be happy for the memories and the money.
Thanks again, Mom.